"Today I put my class into two groups: those who did their homework (so they could work on the new thing) and those who didn't (so they could work on catching up). You would THINK that the group who was behind would be the ones who were working diligently, and the group who was caught up would be the ones who were being ridiculous and off-task. YOU WOULD THINK."
"I just finished world religions, on to the Middle East, so my enthusiasm is ramped up to irritating levels. Freshmen leave the class with glazed-over expressions of awe."
"I am giving you a piece of paper, children. You will bring it back on Tuesday so we can look at it again. You will bring it back, or I will kill you."